Below, I list the important resources in the order I encountered them and applied them to my life. They helped me understand myself better and gave me topics to coach myself on and bring to talk therapy sessions with my licensed professional counselor (LPC).  Looking back, many of my later counseling sessions were similar in nature to coaching sessions. Those topics greatly influenced the areas I chose to focus on in my life coaching business.

a. “The Expanded Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Training Manual: DBT for Self-Help and Individual & Group Treatment Settings" by Lane Pederson, 2017

• I took part in six months of a professionally run Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) program shortly after my lengthy and severe depression resulted in marital separation. DBT changed my life in ways I could never have imagined beforehand.
• The essence of DBT is for participants to learn skills in four major areas: 1. Mindfulness, 2. Emotional Regulation, 3. Distress Tolerance, 4. Interpersonal Effectiveness.
• Each week we met as a group and learned a new skill. During that week we practiced using that skill.  The following week we met and shared how we applied that skill to our real-life situations.
• After six months of learning and practicing new skills, they became integrated into who we were as people.
• I still review my card deck of over 30 DBT skills. I often discover that I need to brush up on one or more skills to successfully deal with situations in my life.

b. “Depression Fallout – The impact of depression on Couples and what you can do to preserve the bond”, by Anne Sheffield 2003

• I hardly ever say this about anything, but this book blew my mind! It eerily read like a biography of my own marriage. That is, when a depressed person (aka depressed partner) like me is married to a normal person (aka fallout partner) like my wife.
• In chapter 1, the author names five stages that fallout partners go through: 1. Confusion, 2. Self-Blame, 3. Demoralization, 4. Resentment, and 5. Separation.
• “… trying to have a relationship with a depressed person is like walking through a minefield.” (p. 87)
• “Over time, the accumulation of hurts inhibits fallout sufferers from offering the supportive words and gestures that are as necessary to a [depressed person] as good professional treatment.” (p. 87)
• “Depressed partners seem perplexed by love. Unable to assess its status, they flip back and forth from yes to no.” (p. 171)
• “Commitment to the relationship leaves [fallout partners] feeling rejected and betrayed; surely, they think, depression alone cannot be the explanation.” (p. 172)
• “The depressed think very poorly of themselves.” (p. 179)
• “That old homily, ‘You can’t love others if you don’t love yourself,’ is a fitting epitaph for the depression sufferer’s intimate relationships.” (p. 180)
  

c. “Embracing Uncomfortable – Facing our fears while pursuing our purpose” by Deborah E Gorton, 2020

• This book gave me the courage and the confidence to face my greatest fears head on.
• “When we don’t practice the disciplined pause that allows us to filter our emotions through truth, our behavior functions contrary to our purpose.” (p. 46)
• “To use time wisely requires that we embrace the loss of something important for the greater gain of pursuing purpose.” (p. 47)
• “I now see myself as called to listen with the goal of understanding and being non-judgmentally present with each person who walks through the doors of my office.” (p. 54)
• “If you think back to the last time you justified [something], it is likely because you weren’t following your values and were misaligned with your purpose … .” (p. 134)
• The author devotes an entire chapter to help the reader find their purpose and values, and she does so in a unique way.

d. “Emotional Agility – Get unstuck, embrace change, and thrive in work and life” by Susan David, 2017

• This book integrated many of the concepts I had learned from reading the other books in this list.
• "… emotional agility [is] being flexible with your thoughts and feelings so that you can respond optimally to everyday situations … ." (p. 4)
• "… emotional rigidity [is] getting hooked by thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that don't serve us … including depression and anxiety." (p. 4)
• "[Emotionally agile people] experience feelings like anger and sadness … but they face these with curiosity, self-compassion, and acceptance." (p. 6)
• “[The ‘Tiny Tweaks Principle’ is the principle that] small, deliberate tweaks infused with your values can make a huge difference in your life." (p. 13)
• “[The ‘Sea-Saw Principle’ is the principle that there is this] balance between challenge and competence, so we're neither complacent nor overwhelmed, but excited, enthusiastic and invigorated by challenges." (p. 13)

e. “Emotionally Healthy Spirituality – It’s impossible to be spiritually mature while remaining emotionally immature” by Peter Scazzero, 2017

• This book helped me understand why my spiritual growth often became stunted. It also introduced me to the concept of the Wall. I am confident that I am still moving forward through my own personal Wall.
• “To the degree that we are unable to express our emotions, we remain impaired in our ability to love God, others, and ourselves as well.” (p. 24)
• “For most of us the Wall appears through a crisis that turns our world upside down.” (p. 101)
• “I finally went forward through [the Wall] because the pain of staying where I was felt unbearable.” (p. 101)
• “We make choices to trust God, to wait on God, to obey God, to stick with God, to remain faithful when everything in us wants to quit and run. But it is his slow, deep work of transformation in us, not ours.” (p. 108)
• “Christians can be notoriously judgmental in the name of standing up for the truth. But people who have been through the Wall are broken. [They] are freed from judging others.” (p. 108-109)